Happy Birthday, Grandpa Buggs

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Today is my grandpa’s birthday, the first one since he passed on in June. It’s so odd, such an ache, to not have that phone call to make to Binghamton today, and I know my dad is feeling that void most of all:( I feel as though I should be honoring the day in some special way, and yet I don’t quite know how. (What would even feel close to sufficient?)

So for now I want to share this precious photo of my grandpa (with my dad), a man who taught me so much about what it means to be gentle and kind, hard-working and humble. He always knew how to share a good belly laugh, and he often had an alluring twinkle in those electric blue eyes. He didn’t need much; he seemed to enjoy the simple things (his morning coffee with his neighbors, his afternoon sits under his beloved front-yard tree). There is so much to be learned from him and the way he lived. In some ways, we could relate on so few things (we led very different lives), and yet we shared a bond so very special. I am so grateful to have had a grandparent well into adulthood. I suppose this is the true gift to focus on.

Happy birthday, Grandpa. We miss and love you so much!

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Link Love

Found a new blogger whose writing style I dig. This bit on transitions resonated a lot. (I feel a lot of change in the air as of late, and it’s contributing to some awfully toss-and-turny nights. This time of year is always a melange of nostalgia and potential-tinged excitement, I find.)

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Call it hippie-dippie if you will, but I increasingly love this astrology stuff.

Brene’s the wisest of ’em all. (And I’m so bummed I somehow missed the boat to hear her speak here at Town Hall in a couple weeks!)

Adorable. (I love clever people.)

I wish this wasn’t so darn relatable about our/my 21st-century over-connectedness.

With any kind of luck, I’ll be seeing a new fave Nathaniel Ratecliff this weekend!

Hope the weeks are off to a great start. Happy September manana (rabbit, rabbit!).

Cresting

I’ve been in a funk recently, on and off feeling sad, lonely, oversensitive, flat. I know much/most of it comes from sifting through the multilayered stages of grief. My grandfather’s life is in its very final act, and my parents are stoically standing by his side (an exhausting roller coaster ride), helping him ease his way out, onward, upward…(How is it possible to miss someone so much who’s not even yet gone?)

I feel far, far away and yet constantly connected all at once, and my emotions change with the hour—cresting like waves. Seeing my parents’ amazing strength and togetherness through this, though, is the biggest blessing and inspiration. In moments like these, it’s stripped down to the basics. All that matters, ever, is kindness and love.

Despite the impending, inevitable sad news that I know is soon to come, I feel myself rising out of this lil rut I’ve been stuck in, and I am reminded how wonderful these moments feel, like stepping out into fresh, new air after a good, hard rain. It’s OK. It’s always going to be OK. I am looking for the beauty in the midst of life’s sadness, because if we look hard enough, it’s truly always there.

We love you so much, Grandpa, and we’re going to keep living and *laughing* in your honor. I know you wouldn’t want it any other way.

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Thankful November: Day 11

Day 11 * I’m thankful for: Sunny-day brunches. Salmon tartines and free-flowing coffee. Forever friends + soulful conversations.

Portage Bay Cafe=one of Seattle's brekkie gems

Portage Bay Cafe=one of Seattle’s brekkie gems

Thankful November: Day 4

November 4 * I’m grateful for: the ability to laugh. With people and, sometimes, all on my own. At myself, at life, at the absurdities, at the funniness of it all.

A recent dim sum (un)fortune

A recent dim sum (un)fortune

bienvenido, summer!

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*So far, just a couple days in, I’m digging this summer. I simply LOVE this time of year. May it be a radiant, joyful one for us all.*

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*we are the lucky ones*

You know when you come back from a foreign land, and you have that country’s language swirling around in your head for a couple days (even if you don’t happen to speak their tongue or understand one lick)? Well, right now I have the little voices of wee ones (my cousin’s four adorable kiddos, to be exact) echoing in my head, and I miss them so—their sticky fingers and high-pitched, silly cadences and innocent questions and infuriating, illogical tantrums and soft hands that curl around yours in those tender, break-through moments when they decide that, even though you’re not mom or dad or nanny Laura, you’re worthy of their love, too. (I will choose to set aside the comically ridiculous comments like “You’re never gonna be my best friend” and “Just go back at your home; I don’t even care!” in lieu of the precious times they care to ask, “Mommy, how much longer is your cousin staying with us?”)

There’s something really tough going on in these sweet little ones’ lives right now, and you wonder how much of it they grasp. You want to shield those innocent, big brown eyes from all the world’s bad, to protect them from ever understanding the cruelties life sometimes throws our way. But the thing is, at times like this, you can’t even protect yourself from the unfairness of it all. And so for their sake—and for yours—you trust it will all be fine. Because it has to be. There is no alternative.

These are the precious, exhausting, wonderful little dudes I spent the last week with:)

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