Spinning into Clarity

When I have too many decisions laid out before me, I’ll admit it, I kind of freak. I spin. The overwhelm becomes paralyzing. I don’t know to describe it other than feeling like I might just short circuit, smoke rising from my tangled wires. It’s just not something my brain/heart handles well.

Right now I am trying to get a clear vision of things I want for 2015. Projects I’ll pursue, plane tickets I’ll buy, people I’ll prioritize, pipe dreams I’ll declare not that zany after all. It’s pretty wide open, and it’s so exciting, and I KNOW I’m so blessed to have the options, the resources, the people…this freedom.

(And this is all to say, too, that I know that—ultimately—I don’t have control over the big picture anyway. If this past year has taught me anything, it’s that life is as unpredictable as the sky is blue. The best-laid plans often get derailed by beyond-our-control circumstances, and—on the opposite end—amazing, unscripted additions can evolve that hadn’t blipped on the radar screen at all.)

Anyway, this past week, instead of feeling excited about the mostly-blank canvas sitting before me, calming awaiting my first brushstrokes, all this mental sorting, envisioning and possibility has had me feeling a bit cranky and pretty anxious. And while I’m not exactly sure WHAT lies at the root of all that, I am trying to be patient with my wily emotions, trusting that the clarity will come.

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In a tarot card reading I had done last year, the friend-of-a-friend in charge gently (yet passionately) encouraged me to “be big”….to “be bold.” To flaunt my me-ness. Something resonated.

I’m coming for you, 2015. I’m still on the sidelines warming up, but I’ll be there soon.

Photo by Corinne Whiting

Photo by Corinne Whiting

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” | Marianne Williamson

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New Year, A Not-So-New Me

I’m trying to be gentle with myself as I transition from a beautiful, carefree, three-week holiday abroad to homebound, “back-to-reality mode” (which, admittedly, is actually pretty dang good). Overall, it feels nice to be back here in the PNW—amongst these trees, these mountains, these cozy venues and these fabulous friends (whom I’ve missed!)—but man, this jet lag is killer. While I’m feeling far from rested, I will admit there’s something awesome about rising long before the sun and, consequently, enjoying an especially extended and full morning routine.

I’m back into yoga, but definitely not back into eating healthfully. I’m back into working, but definitely not back into working efficiently/non-distractedly. I’m back into brainstorming on 2015 goals and hopes and wishes and dreams, but definitely not into putting anything into practice just yet. Oh well. All that will come. Slow ‘n’ steady…right?

In the meantime, I’m indulging in too-pricey caffeinated treats and buttery scones in a coffee shop that’s currently blasting 80s throwback tunes. Whatever works:)

What’s pulling you through this first week of 2015?

Caffe Ladro sweet potato & sage scone splurge-y decadence

Caffe Ladro sweet potato & sage scone splurge-y decadence

New Year Wisdom

Cardiff Castle by Corinne Whiting

Cardiff Castle by Corinne Whiting

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” | Rainer Maria Rilke

Keep Knocking

GG bonfire

Keep knocking, and the joy inside will eventually open a window and look out to see who’s there.~Rumi

Paper lanterns

*Days like these, thank you*

When self-employment feels daunting and stressful and uncertain and cuckoo, will you pretty please remind of days like these? It’s been a mighty fine week.

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Photos of Here

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So It Goes (& Friday Tunes)

It’s been an interesting, roller coaster week. I’m excited it’s weekend. There have been a lot of shifts going on in my world (talk of people coming and going, money strains, thoughts of a future plan, etc.), and much of it has my stomach in absolute knots. I have a hard time accepting change with grace.

I’ve been up since 6-something. In this town, when the sun streams in and splashes forcefully against my bedroom walls, I just cannae miss a single minute of it. I want to bathe in its warmth. I hope to make today light and airy, to not get bogged down in the heaviness of anything. Yesterday, at the end of class, Claudette treated us to a serenade of this Irish-meets-yogic song with her ethereal voice. It was beautiful. This morning I listened to it while I ate my oatmeal, determined to not multitask (for once!) and simply taste my food and feel the sun.

Yesterday was a very USA/Uncle Sam-themed day. First I got BADdddd news while filing taxes (ARGHHH! Such exorbitant self-employment taxes!!) and cursed our government the whole way home. Then last night, I enjoyed some welcomed laughs with a friend I hadn’t seen in ages at an improv show based on the inner workings of the White House. Yin yang, happy sad, so it goes.

How have your weeks been? I leave you with some feel-good tunes—Edward Sharpe & the gang, one of the bands I’ll be seeing in the Colorado mountains at Ride Fest this summer-yeeha! I’m SO excited. Happy weekend, friends.

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