Cresting

I’ve been in a funk recently, on and off feeling sad, lonely, oversensitive, flat. I know much/most of it comes from sifting through the multilayered stages of grief. My grandfather’s life is in its very final act, and my parents are stoically standing by his side (an exhausting roller coaster ride), helping him ease his way out, onward, upward…(How is it possible to miss someone so much who’s not even yet gone?)

I feel far, far away and yet constantly connected all at once, and my emotions change with the hour—cresting like waves. Seeing my parents’ amazing strength and togetherness through this, though, is the biggest blessing and inspiration. In moments like these, it’s stripped down to the basics. All that matters, ever, is kindness and love.

Despite the impending, inevitable sad news that I know is soon to come, I feel myself rising out of this lil rut I’ve been stuck in, and I am reminded how wonderful these moments feel, like stepping out into fresh, new air after a good, hard rain. It’s OK. It’s always going to be OK. I am looking for the beauty in the midst of life’s sadness, because if we look hard enough, it’s truly always there.

We love you so much, Grandpa, and we’re going to keep living and *laughing* in your honor. I know you wouldn’t want it any other way.

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Thankful November: Day 4

November 4 * I’m grateful for: the ability to laugh. With people and, sometimes, all on my own. At myself, at life, at the absurdities, at the funniness of it all.

A recent dim sum (un)fortune

A recent dim sum (un)fortune

Weekend Pep

On a sunny Friday afternoon (of a really good week, after a kinda crap week), when my morning was filled with laughs, my mom sending pics from a joyous family celebration taking place back east, the weekend ripe with possibility & fun and my hood happily buzzing with gentle mondo-dogs, cyclists, joggers and lunchers with those unmistakable “weekend” smiles on their faces and pep in their steps, I feel really present. And really content. I’m where I should be. And grateful for it all. Happy weekend, friends.

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“We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.”~Thornton Wilder

Looking for the Merry & Bright

This quote seems appropriate, as I look out the window to find the umpteenth consecutive day of dreary, drizzly gray. Oy. (Seriously sun…um, hello?)

“Many a man curses the rain that falls upon his head,
and knows not that it brings abundance
to drive away the hunger.”
~Saint Basil

It’s been a heavy week in many senses, first centered around petty deadlines, a mile-long, pre-trip to-do list and some internal anxiety I just can’t seem to shake. Of course all of this was later eclipsed by the unspeakable happenings in a Connecticut elementary school. The horror of it all feels too much, too hard, to even wrap our grief around…

So I’ve been looking especially hard for the bright spots this week–like a cozy, laugh-filled dinner party with some lovely Seattle ladies and celebrations for my amazing, fun, kind, witty, clever, thoughtful “baby” brother who today turns 30.

Yesterday I got lost in a sea of pint-guzzling Santas, and I was grateful to be surrounded by whimsy, by silliness and by light-hearted fun. Sometimes we need that, we just really do.

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What’s keeping you happy during these short, dark days?

Sing it, sisters

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GFs!

Last Friday, I wandered this blustery city with a friend who’s been one of my closest since elementary school (she lives nearby in Portland and, though there were a few lost years in between, I feel so grateful to now reconnect on a regular basis…and on her coast no less). We chatted over an Indian buffet, through a rain walk, a coffee respite, a sun stroll, a chocolate indulgence, a highway-side hike, a bakery dinner… The conversation never dulled.

(To me this just seems normal. Aren’t most lucky enough to have these lifelong girl friends? But when even our waitress remarked upon it, guessing that we might be sisters, I realized I might just belong to a special club.)

Tomorrow, a soul sistah arrives from Philly; next week, another from VA. In between, I reconnect in Portland with A (again!). This already feels like a lucky month.

These are the women who ground me, who root me, who get me, who uplift me. They make me laugh, like really laugh, and when necessary, they call me on my bs. Our history is rich, our connection unflappable. (Thankfully they know that I’m so much more than my current 60-second autobiographical introductory pitch. Bor-ing:))

I’m beyond excited to see them all. We’re gonna have us some funnn!

She is a friend of mind. She gather me, man. The pieces I am, she gather them and give them back to me in all the right order. It’s good, you know, when you got a woman who is a friend of your mind. ~Toni Morrison, Beloved

ISO: Mas Laughter!

I’ve been thinking recently that I’ve not been laughing nearly enough! I miss it.

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What’s got you in stitches these days?

Is there anything better than hearty, genuine, tears-down-cheeks, sides hurt, face sore, belly laughs? In my books, not much.

Hope the weekends are swell so far!

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