Spinning into Clarity

When I have too many decisions laid out before me, I’ll admit it, I kind of freak. I spin. The overwhelm becomes paralyzing. I don’t know to describe it other than feeling like I might just short circuit, smoke rising from my tangled wires. It’s just not something my brain/heart handles well.

Right now I am trying to get a clear vision of things I want for 2015. Projects I’ll pursue, plane tickets I’ll buy, people I’ll prioritize, pipe dreams I’ll declare not that zany after all. It’s pretty wide open, and it’s so exciting, and I KNOW I’m so blessed to have the options, the resources, the people…this freedom.

(And this is all to say, too, that I know that—ultimately—I don’t have control over the big picture anyway. If this past year has taught me anything, it’s that life is as unpredictable as the sky is blue. The best-laid plans often get derailed by beyond-our-control circumstances, and—on the opposite end—amazing, unscripted additions can evolve that hadn’t blipped on the radar screen at all.)

Anyway, this past week, instead of feeling excited about the mostly-blank canvas sitting before me, calming awaiting my first brushstrokes, all this mental sorting, envisioning and possibility has had me feeling a bit cranky and pretty anxious. And while I’m not exactly sure WHAT lies at the root of all that, I am trying to be patient with my wily emotions, trusting that the clarity will come.

***

In a tarot card reading I had done last year, the friend-of-a-friend in charge gently (yet passionately) encouraged me to “be big”….to “be bold.” To flaunt my me-ness. Something resonated.

I’m coming for you, 2015. I’m still on the sidelines warming up, but I’ll be there soon.

Photo by Corinne Whiting

Photo by Corinne Whiting

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” | Marianne Williamson

Advertisements